When we first decided to try for baby #1 back in december 2011, we had NO idea how easy it would be. First try and BAM pregnant! It was so exciting. Fast forward a few years. Decide to start trying June 2014. No BAM, nada, nothing. It is now December and 6 cycles in trying we still don't have a BFP (big fat positive). It's disappointing. I do struggle with a deep sense loss each time I take a test and each time it says negative. My periods haven't helped any either, waiting 10 days after they should be there, just to trick me and torment me. Spotting and stopping, making me have a glimmer of hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, it was rare implantation bleeding. AF (Aunt Flo) always rears her ugly head dashing my dreams of a second child away month after month. It is hard. I struggle with the sadness I feel as I see the age gap between my son and potential sibling grow longer and longer. I know I'm not in it alone, many women struggle with getting pregnant. I do have questions though, was the first time just a lucky shot? Has something changed since then? My next testing day is Christmas. I have my doubts about testing that day, just because I don't want to be depressed even for a second when I should be focusing on making my 2 year olds 3rd Christmas special as can be. Even though I feel nauseated and uncomfortable, I am trying not to read anything into these symptoms. I MUST not get my hopes up. It's so hard month after month getting excited and then nothing. NOTHING. I know many of you feel the same...the journey to conceive is not one to be taken lightly. It's not always easy as I am finding out.
Merry Christmas and I hope my next update will be very POSITIVE :)
